The long slow road to recovery
I have been neglecting this - and feel guilty that I didn't let you know earlier that my mum is now out of hospital (as of Friday) and back at home. Which is good news, but it's strange that seeing her in her home environment has made her seem more fragile. When she was lying in her hospital bed, it wasn't noticeable she'd lost 11 pounds in weight - and now weighs a mere 113 pounds. So tiny and fragile. Now she is wearing normal clothes, the weight loss is hard to miss - her clothes hang on her, and she's asked me to go clothes shopping for her so she's obviously lost more of her mind than we had first realised (ha ha). My dad is dressing her, so she's wearing some combinations of clothes she mght not immediately have thought of for herself, but they are warm and comfortable. She's not eating a huge amount and she's not sleeping at night - but she's napping through the day in fits and starts. The bruises on her arms, neck and backs of her hands from all the drips and drains are now a lovely oily shade of yellow, but at least they have stopped being that really dramatic blue-black. But progress is progress, right?
She feels confused in herself. She told me that something, she doesn't know what, isn't quite right. I've just got off the telephone to Mr W's mother, who is really good at practical advice. She said, rightly, that when mum was looking and acting positively perky in the hospital, she was high on drugs, and I should not forget this. Before she came home, the doctor people removed all of the drugs. So to think she's almost going backwards now is not uncommon, but she isn't, she's just coping without the drugs. Mr W's mother also said that friends visiting my mum would help. My mum had loads of visitors in hospital, and I don't think she's had any (except Mr W, me, my brother) since she got out. I'm going to call all her mates tomorrow and ask them to go visit in the next few weeks. It will take my mum's mind off things, and in the absence of physical activity, will hopefully help her work up an appetite.
I have another second round interview (my first second round interview was last week and I'm supposed to hear by Friday about whether I got it or not) tomorrow and involves a drafting exercise on an area of law of which I know diddly-squit. I'm supposed to be online finding resources to read, but stopped to read some new comments on here on the way and realised an update was in order.
This whole thing has also affected the dymanic betwen my mum and my dad. My dad is overweight, diabetic, has had DVT, and is ginger. My mum went to the gym twice a week, walked a lot outside of the gym and had no real health problems. She used to mark A' level papers and do supply teaching at a local school, and enjoyed getting out of the house. Now she'll need a lift to go anywhere and I think she's going to reduce her excursions rather than want to impose on my dad for chauffeur service. She's not used to being dependent. My dad is not used to having a dependent wife. It won't remain like this, and I'm completely confident my dad will continue to be a tower of strength and a shining example of kindness and thoughtfulness - I'm not joking, he's surprising me. I mean, I'm finding the whole thing quite hard to deal with still and I've been living my life and working and interviewing, and all the time my dad has been completely immersed in the nightmare with my mum. He, well, they, are overdue a break but there's nothing that can be done - he won't relax until she's better; end of story.
And I'm feeling guilty. Because I'm not doing more to help my dad and to reassure my mum that she's not gone nuts, and that she should just relax and stop beating herself up for not recovering faster, and stop worrying about things. It's been two weeks and more now, and I'm not used to such long periods of emotional strain (is anyone?). Even though the emotion is less heightened than it was back on 9th, it's constant. It's comparatively low-grade now, but it's enough to drain the energy and if I'm not careful it's a short slip down the slide to becoming a snappy and occasionally tearful miseryguts.
Roll on spring and better weather, roll on a job offer, roll on bedtime. I'm going to be more cheerful from now on. Whether I have to go do some exercise to produce some endorphins or whether I can manage it by less extreme methods, we shall see, but I can't help notice that most of my recent posts have been relatively depressing and that's not actually an accurate portrayal of the past two weeks, I've seen some lovely friends and eaten some truly amazing food. Now it's late and I need to do some research or Mr W will kick my butt when he gets in from work, so no elegant sign off, because I think I can hear his key in the door...
She feels confused in herself. She told me that something, she doesn't know what, isn't quite right. I've just got off the telephone to Mr W's mother, who is really good at practical advice. She said, rightly, that when mum was looking and acting positively perky in the hospital, she was high on drugs, and I should not forget this. Before she came home, the doctor people removed all of the drugs. So to think she's almost going backwards now is not uncommon, but she isn't, she's just coping without the drugs. Mr W's mother also said that friends visiting my mum would help. My mum had loads of visitors in hospital, and I don't think she's had any (except Mr W, me, my brother) since she got out. I'm going to call all her mates tomorrow and ask them to go visit in the next few weeks. It will take my mum's mind off things, and in the absence of physical activity, will hopefully help her work up an appetite.
I have another second round interview (my first second round interview was last week and I'm supposed to hear by Friday about whether I got it or not) tomorrow and involves a drafting exercise on an area of law of which I know diddly-squit. I'm supposed to be online finding resources to read, but stopped to read some new comments on here on the way and realised an update was in order.
This whole thing has also affected the dymanic betwen my mum and my dad. My dad is overweight, diabetic, has had DVT, and is ginger. My mum went to the gym twice a week, walked a lot outside of the gym and had no real health problems. She used to mark A' level papers and do supply teaching at a local school, and enjoyed getting out of the house. Now she'll need a lift to go anywhere and I think she's going to reduce her excursions rather than want to impose on my dad for chauffeur service. She's not used to being dependent. My dad is not used to having a dependent wife. It won't remain like this, and I'm completely confident my dad will continue to be a tower of strength and a shining example of kindness and thoughtfulness - I'm not joking, he's surprising me. I mean, I'm finding the whole thing quite hard to deal with still and I've been living my life and working and interviewing, and all the time my dad has been completely immersed in the nightmare with my mum. He, well, they, are overdue a break but there's nothing that can be done - he won't relax until she's better; end of story.
And I'm feeling guilty. Because I'm not doing more to help my dad and to reassure my mum that she's not gone nuts, and that she should just relax and stop beating herself up for not recovering faster, and stop worrying about things. It's been two weeks and more now, and I'm not used to such long periods of emotional strain (is anyone?). Even though the emotion is less heightened than it was back on 9th, it's constant. It's comparatively low-grade now, but it's enough to drain the energy and if I'm not careful it's a short slip down the slide to becoming a snappy and occasionally tearful miseryguts.
Roll on spring and better weather, roll on a job offer, roll on bedtime. I'm going to be more cheerful from now on. Whether I have to go do some exercise to produce some endorphins or whether I can manage it by less extreme methods, we shall see, but I can't help notice that most of my recent posts have been relatively depressing and that's not actually an accurate portrayal of the past two weeks, I've seen some lovely friends and eaten some truly amazing food. Now it's late and I need to do some research or Mr W will kick my butt when he gets in from work, so no elegant sign off, because I think I can hear his key in the door...
posted by Chaya at 10:00 pm
1 Comments:
Hello,
Glad to hear that things are getting better, albeit slowly.
I think it's tough for anyone to see their parents in a fragile, vulnrable state, as we are so used to them being the strong ones - helping us and picking us up when we are down.
Your dad sounds as if he is doing an amazing job, and you sound as if you've been a wonderful sense of support to your mother. Please try not to feel guilty about any of this. You're doing a lot more than you know by being there for your mom, even if you can't be there all the time.
I hope all goes well hearing back from your interviews.
Sorry neither or us have been in touch, as we just got back this weekend. Would love to get together and contribute to some of that good food you've been eating :-)
Love
Lucille
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